Suicide and depression

Just because you watched 13 reasons it doesn’t make you a suicide expert. I speak from experience a lot of it sadly, in most cases you don’t notice the person is suicidal and they don’t leave notes or tapes. It’s not a split second decision a lot of thought is put into their final moments and in most cases talking won’t help one bit, once the decision has been made there’s not a thing you can do.
My best friend ended his life 21 years ago, nobody knew he was depressed if anything he was the life of the party. He was also schizophrenic a thing he hid well from everyone in fact I only heard about this a few years ago from his older brother. On the morning he decided enough was enough, he went into his little sister’s room gave her a kiss on the cheek and left for the highest building in town (8 stories high). When he arrived we’ll never know neither do we know how much time he spent there before he jumped from the 6th floor, he folded some of his clothing neatly, took off his shoes and jumped. A friend of us who lived in the building found him shortly before 6 in the morning as he was on his way to work.
 
Another friend of mine also committed suicide, a lot of my friends ended their lives, only 2 died not by their own hands. This friend also killed his girlfriend again nobody knew what was going on. It was a hot day in July i was out with friends when I got the call. A lot of people will always condemn him for what he did me however I understand it completely, I don’t approve but I understand. He was also a very cheery person and one of the few people who was always good to me. He left behind 3 kids.
Thing is it doesn’t matter how many friends you have or if your family loves you, if you want to end it you will end it. 1 of my friends even managed to kill himself while he was on suicide watch at a facility specialised in suicide prevention. I could tell all the stories about each of my friends who chose to end their own lives. Truth is you will never know exactly what’s going on in a person’s head until it is too late. In my experience the ones who talk about ending it are the ones who never do it. I’ve had 1 friend who kept saying he was with life, so me being me I offered to help him out right there and then, obviously he never did it he’s actually a very succesful artist now and happily married.
Having struggled with depression for well over 20 years myself I consider myself somewhat of an expert on suicidal tendencies. No matter how much therapy or medication I take I am in fact always depressed I’m just really good at pretending to be normal like all of my friends who ended their lives. There are good times and bad times, sometimes you really just have to cherish those few minutes you feel joy. I have tried to kill myself a long time ago I overdosed on pills and in most cases any other person would’ve died had they taken what I had taken, I just spent a couple of days drifting in and out of consciousness. I lost my job, lost some friends but I got over it and moved on without any help.
Some people will always be depressed and some overcome the depression. Others will choose to end their suffering. Sometimes you as a friend or family member you’ll just have to let go of the one you love. If you’ve never been severely depressed you simply can’t know how it feels, books, series, movies won’t help you understand the feeling of despair a person feels when they end it. I’ve spoken to a few people who tried suicide multiple times and they always felt at peace when they felt their life slipping away. A few of them managed to end it eventually and I hope they’re in a better place if such a thing exists others are still fighting for survival and others are still trying to end it.
If you think you have the right to judge a person because they chose their ending you’re wrong (that’s the civil way of me saying go f… yourself). You don’t have to approve but you can attempt to understand what it was like to walk a mile in their shoes. Don’t be a dick about it on social media or to the people they left behind
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  1. My Dad tried to do it a few times but almost managed when I was 6 months old and my mom found out he was cheating He borrowed a garden hose from my Moms dad and drove out to the mountains. A forest ranger saw the car with a hose from exhaust to window and a bunch of duct tape him passed out inside. He married the other chick and had kids with her then disappeared for 8 years with my lil sisters The whole time I pictured them in a car on some mountain. now none of his .8 kids talk to him but He is a priest And a Uge Trump Supporter so go figure….

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